Soccer, Congress, and Kentucky

What do these three subjects have in common, you ask? Well, absolutely nothing except that each one has had an impression on me lately and I wanted to share it. Here goes...

Soccer - More specifically, World Cup Soccer. Why do all the news agencies and cable channels feel compelled to educate us on soccer? It's the world's most popular sport, they say. Bigger than baseball, football, and basketball put together, they say. The rest of the world is crazy about it, they say. Well, so what? It's not that big here.......and here is where I am. I'm sure bullfighting is a big deal in Mexico City. But I'm not in Mexico City, so how is that relevant? Sorry, but to me, it's boring. I heard the same argument for hockey. "If you understood it, you'd love it." OK, but I don't understand it and I don't care to learn. Playing hockey in the south is like surfing in Minnesota - it just doesn't make any sense. One of my favorite writers, Lewis Grizzard, said, "There are only three scores in soccer - 0-0, 1-0, and in a real scoring orgy, 1-1." That's kinda how I see it. So don't waste a lot of time trying to educate me on the finer points of "futbol".

Congress - A couple of weeks ago, congress called BP on the carpet. Each Representative had some "opening remarks" that allowed them to get in some cheap shots in the name of moral outrage over the oil spill. Oh, and, by the way, it's an election year. Those sound bites play pretty well to the folks back home. So, let's review...they called BP on the carpet after the oil spill. They called in the presidents of the auto makers after they were going bankrupt and needed a bailout. They called in the CEO's of the largest banks after the financial crisis. I'm beginning to see a pattern here. Here's my question: Since there are congressional oversight committees out the wazoo, why don't they call someone in before a crisis occurs? After all, if it's called an oversight committee, shouldn't they oversee something? Isn't the whole idea to prevent something bad from happening instead of just piling on after the fact? Maybe it's just me.

Kentucky - I was making a run up to Dayton, Ohio a couple of weeks ago and part of that drive takes me through Kentucky. I saw a couple of signs I wanted to share with you. These are absolutely real, I promise. The first was just south of Elizabethtown. A big sign on the northbound side of I-65 said "Used Cows for Sale". Now I don't know about you, but that makes me a little nervous, given that I was in Kentucky. What exactly is a "used cow" and how was it used? The
second was just south of Louisville. Way up on a hill on the southbound side of I-65 I spotted a sign that said "Tattoes While You Wait". Now that's a little different. Frankly, I didn't know there was any other way to get a tattoo, but there's something to be said for truth in advertising.

Kentucky is a state with a bit of an identity crisis. The south won't claim them because they never seceded from the Union (I know it was a long time ago, but...). And the midwest doesn't want them because they already have Ohio and that's enough dead weight. They're too far south to be "northern" and too far west to be "eastern". Kinda sad, really.

They do have one thing to brag about, though. The toothbrush was invented there. How do we know? Well, if it had been invented anywhere else, they would have called it the "teethbrush".

Till next time..........