TV Weathermen - How Do I Get A Job Like That?

If you could change careers and have any job you wanted, what would it be? Professional athlete? Rock star? Politician? Not me. I'd go straight for the TV Weatherman. Now stay with me here, this is deep stuff.

This has to be the only job in the world where you can be wrong about 60% of the time and still keep a job. And even though you're wrong most of the time, millions of people still tune in every day just to hear what you think is going to happen. It's unbelievable! If any of us were wrong as often as they are, we wouldn't last a week!

And then there's all the technology....."Pinpoint Doppler" and "Stormtracker" and "StormScan" - and they still can't tell you what it's going to do tomorrow. One of our local stations says of their equipment "We can show you the storm from every angle." And how is that supposed to help me? What angle should I be concerned about? And these are the people who tell us "you need to go to your safe place" when the tornadoes come roaring through. Well, my safe place is about two counties away from wherever the tornado is, so just tell me that!

And another thing......just once I'd like to hear one of these yahoo's admit that they blew the forecast. Just once I'd like to hear them say "You know, we predicted 3 inches of snow last night and it didn't even rain. I don't know how we missed that." But does that ever happen? Heck no. They come out the next day just like they hit it right on the nose and never even mention what didn't happen. And if they do, they talk about how we "dodged the bullet." We didn't dodge anything, they just blew the call.

We had one local station who used to have the "Five Degree Guarantee." If they were off more than 5 degrees on their predicted high temperature, they'd donate $50 to a local school. Now think about what that means. If they predict it's going to be 70 tomorrow, the temperature can be anywhere between 65 and 75 and they don't have to pay off. Wow, now that's showing some confidence in your forecast! You can get closer than that using the Farmer's Almanac. I'll take that bet every day of the year. Let's see, for the first half of May I predict that the high temperature will be somewhere between 70 and 80. And for the second half I predict it will be between 75 and 85. I'll be right more than I'm wrong and you don't have to donate anything.

The big deal now is who can have the best graphics - raindrops, snowflakes, sweating thermometers - you know the drill. I miss the old guys who used to draw on the weathermap. At least they had a little artistic ability, even if they couldn't predict the weather. Now you don't get either. And why waste my time giving me the predicted high temperature, wind speed, and humidity for every little town in the viewing area? Give me the predicted high for Nashville and I'll take my chances on what it will be 20 miles away. You're not going to get it right anyway, so what's the point?

And even with all that high-priced equipment you can't pin these guys down. Most of the commentary goes something like this "Looks like it's going to be clear over the next few days, but we can't rule out the possibility of a stray shower." So which is it, clear or shower? "Can't rule out the possibility" is code for "I don't have a clue."

So the ground rules for the TV Weatherman are: 1. You never take a definite stand on anything, 2. You always leave yourself an out (i.e. "can't rule out...), 3. You never admit you're wrong, and 4. Even if you are wrong, you bounce right back up the next day just like you were right on the money. On second thought, this sounds like the perfect training program for a career in politics!

Till next time....